Lifes sound track
by US Rock Star
Summary: Song fic story. Each ch. is a different duck. 1 Averman,2 Adam,3 Fulton,4 Julie,5 Guy,6 Portman, 7 Charlie, 8 Goldie, 9 Jesse, 10 Connie, 11 Luis, 12 Russ
1. Wonderful the Lester Averman story

I don't own Averman or the song. Everclear owns wonderful and Disney owns Averman.  
  
I woke up that Sunday morning to the sounds of my parents fighting. If I heard it then I knew my little sister heard it. She'll be in here any minute now. As if I were psychic she came in.  
"Hey Lester." She says entering the room. I smile warmly at her still to tired to say anything. She comes and sits next to me on my bed. I protectively drape my arm around her shoulders.  
"Its ok, Gaby." I tell her soothingly. She smiles at me, tears in her lovely eyes. I wipe the tears away. I pull her closer to me. I close my eyes to stop myself from crying at the sight of my frightened baby sister.  
  
I close my eyes when I get too sad  
  
I think thoughts that I know are bad  
  
Close my eyes and I count to ten  
  
Hope it's over when I open them  
  
I open the door. I notice my old poster missing off my door. It was a really cool star wars one with the short green dude on it.Yoda I think his name was. "The casualties of war..." I mumble to myself. Why can't my parents stop fighting? They don't even realize how much they are scaring Gaby.and me for that matter. I mean if they are willing to beat up a poster what will happen if Gaby or I is in the wrong place at the wrong time?  
  
I want the things that I had before  
  
Like a Star Wars poster on my bedroom door  
  
I wish I could count to ten  
  
Make everything be wonderful again  
  
I hold Gaby's hand as we walk down the stairs toward the yelling knowing they won't stop until they see us. I stopped in the middle of the stairway when I heard something break. I listened intently. I heard my mother crying as my dad was shouting.  
"Shut up!" My mother yelled.  
"Well, Anne this is fuckin bullshit!" My dad told her. Why can't they just be normal? Gaby squeezed my hand harder as she heard this. I picked up the small 7-year-old. I'm used to this she's not. Tomorrow I'm going back to Eden Hall; we have been off for spring break. But I don't want to go. I know if I didn't though the other ducks would pluck my feathers and cook me for dinner. Who will take care of Gaby while I'm gone? My parents are to busy fighting to do it. I hope the get it together soon. Just for Gaby's sake. We walk down the stairs and into the living room. My mom looks ready to say something but decides against it as we enter the room.  
  
Hope my mom and I hope my dad  
  
Will figure out why they get so mad  
  
Hear them scream, I hear them fight  
  
Say bad words that make me wanna cry  
  
The whole day went as normal. Nobody mentioned the fight and nobody yelled. We acted like a normal family.the kind no one suspects of fighting. I went to work at the movie theater in the mall at 12:30. I had matte nay shift with to of my non-duck friends Wing Osborne and Alexandra Daily. Somehow the three of us always got put into the same shifts, usually afternoon ones. It was pretty boring, then again it always is. "I'm breaking." Wing said standing up and stretching. I nod. "Back in 15?" Alex always asked us. So that she could know when to expect him back. She is a human clock. She could tell you the time without looking at a clock. So, naturally Me and Wing being the two smart teenage boys we are put her in charge of keeping track of our breaks. Wing nodded and left our 3 seater booth. After about 15 minutes Wing came back and I declared it my turn to leave. "Hey Als, Since Wing is back I'm gonna go on break." I told her.  
"Back in 15?" She asked.  
"Yea, Then you can have your break." I reply. Alex grinned at the thought of her well deserved break. I gave grinned back and left. I started thinking what Gaby and the folks were doing. I was thinking so in-depth I didn't even realize I was being followed.  
"Hey." I heard someone say in a familiar deep tone. Startled, I turned on my heels.  
"Oh. Hey, Fulton." I said my down emotion appeared in my voice.  
"What's up?" Fulton asked his voice ladled with concern.  
"Nothing, just working." I reply innocently hoping we wouldn't pry farther into my mood.  
"You know what I mean, Averman. What's wrong?" He snapped impatiently.  
"Well. From the beginning of my younger Sisters life my parents have been fighting. I swear, I'm gonna cut my ears off just so I don't have to hear 'em." I blurt, my voice slightly uneven from raw emotion.  
"How long is that?" he asked.  
"A full 7 years." I tell him, realizing It's almost Gaby's birthday.  
"Yea, It's stupid isn't it." He paused and I gave a sad nod. "How they'd rather fight then work things out. The problems never get fixed and it makes no sense." I tell him. I nod again. 'Hey' I thought to myself 'I may win the genius world record for the most amount of sad nods during a pity-fest'  
"I see them everyday, because I don't live in dorms. And I get along with 'em both and so does Gaby, so why can't they get along with each other?" I tell him sadly. Here I am spilling my guts to a person I sadly barely know.  
  
"A divorce might be best." He said quietly. I give him a frightened glance; I really didn't want it to come to that.  
"That'll make things worse." I tell him. He nodded understandingly. "There's always that stinging question. If it's what he wants and it's what she wants" I start but, He cut me off. "Why is there so much pain?" Fulton says. I nodded trying to ignore the lump in my throat. Quickly I looked down at my watch and give him an awkward smile. "I gotta go relieve, Alexandra. It's time for her break." I say walking back to the ticket booth. That night after I changed for bed Gaby came into my room, followed by my parents. Gaby sat down on my bed and my parents stood in front of us. They look at us with concern.  
"We know you two heard us this morning." My dad says in his usually stern voice. "But It will be ok, you'll see. Everything will be wonderful one day." My mom tells us sweetly. But that's a lie. She's been telling me that since Gaby was born.that's when the fighting started, 7 years ago. They left and I lay down and closed my eyes. I know I don't believe them but for some reason I felt better when they told me it was going to be better.  
  
Close my eyes when I go to bed  
  
And I dream of angels that make me smile  
  
I feel better when I hear them say  
  
Everything will be wonderful someday  
  
I heard mom put Gaby to bed. "It's going to be all wonderful soon." She tells her. "Promise?" Gaby asked innocently. "I promise." Mom tells her. I knew Gaby believe her. She's so young, so naive, and so. childishly innocent. I wanted a drink so I stood up and walk out into the Kitchen. My mom was sitting at the table eyes are filled to the rim with tears. "mom, are you ok?" I ask. She nodded and smiles. "Yea, everything will be wonderful someday." She tells me. I had it. Why does everyone keep lying to Gaby and me because we are kids? I mean you try and act happy when your crying and she who believes you. It doesn't bug me that they lied to me, but she promised Gaby and Gaby takes promises seriously. I want to know how can you lie to someone? I mean actually lie, lie. Like tell everyone your extremely happy and hopeful while bawling like a baby. I seriously hate it. I back up to my room with out my drink not wanting to be there any longer  
  
Promises mean everything when you're little  
  
And the world's so big  
  
I just don't understand how  
  
You can smile with all those tears in your eyes  
  
Tell me everything is wonderful now  
  
(Na na na na na na na)  
  
I don't want them to tell me everything will be ok. It's a lie. It always has been. I can't stand all their lies now. They are lying too much.every night for the passed 7 years. I mean it started out like once every 2 months then once a month then 1 a week and so on and so on. Now it's every night. Every night they fight. Every night they promise its all ok. Every night we believed them.every night that is until now.  
  
Please don't tell me everything is wonderful now  
  
That Monday Charlie and the rest of us ducks skated off to school kinda like the first day of school.except we didn't go in the wrong way and crash into the curtain therefore embarrassing ourselves. We did what we normally do, joke, laugh, catch up with the foreign ducks.not really foreign just outta state. but you get the point. I was extremely hyper to try and create the illusion that my summer was great. Instead of what it truly was, nothing but lies and fights.  
"Averman, man, are you feeling ok?" Goldberg asks me.  
"Couldn't be better." I lie with a huge grin. He just looks at me. Most of the ducks stay in dorms but I don't. I want to make sure Gaby knows not everyone in the world yells and fights with each other. When it was time to leave I dragged myself away from the rest of the ducks so I could catch the city bus home. As much as I love Gaby and as much as I want to protect her, I don't want to go home to the yelling of my mom and dad  
  
I go to school and I run and play  
  
I tell the kids that it's all okay  
  
I like to laugh so my friends won't know  
  
When the bell rings I just don't wanna go home  
  
I get off the bus about a block away from my house. Knowing no one will be home for at least an hour I pull out my key and unlock the door. Immediately I walk up to my room and flop down on my bed. I close my eyes just for a while to try and imagine my life if my parents didn't lie and didn't fight.  
"Pretty dull, huh?" I mumble out loud. The image of my mom pops into my head. I still can't believe she'd try to lie while she's crying. Sob sob.oh yea Hun everything's great. I mock mentally. I cant believe I used to believe that. I can't believe I was so naïve. What will happen when Gaby finds out they lied.  
  
Go to my room and I close my eyes  
  
I make believe that I have a new life  
  
I don't believe you when you say  
  
Everything will be wonderful someday  
  
It was months after that Monday I pretended everything was ok, when they told us. We were sitting at dinner when dad said:  
"We know you don't like are fighting."  
"And neither do we." Mom interjected.  
"So we decide to divorce." Dad finally says. Gaby looks confused. I just stare tears making my vision blurry.  
"W-w-what?" I manage to chock out.  
"I know it seems upsetting at first but everything's wonderful now." Mom says smiling through her tears.  
  
Promises mean everything when you're little  
  
And the world is so big  
  
I just don't understand how  
  
You can smile with all those tears in your eyes  
  
When you tell me everything is wonderful now  
  
This shocks me. Wonderful? How is this wonderful?  
"Mom this is not wonderful!" I yell. "Wonderful is me, you, Gaby and DAD living together with out fighting!" Gaby looks at me scared but I didn't care anymore. How could she just let this happen.then it hit me. She's only 7, she doesn't know what the hell is going on. I felt bad. I wish the would yell and fight and lie. If they did at least we'd all be together. I hear Gaby run up the stairs crying she runs right into my room.  
"What's wrong Gaby?" I ask her. Knowing they probably just explained to her what was happening.  
"Daddy's leaving!" She whined. I picked her up and hugged her. I don't want to hear it any more. I want them to start fighting again.I don't care as long as they don't tell me everything is wonderful now they are divorcing.  
  
I don't wanna hear you tell me everything is wonderful now  
  
My parents have been divorced for two years. Gaby and I live with my mom. She keeps telling me that she just didn't love dad anymore. How can you stop loving someone? I mean if you love someone enough to Marry them and have two kids with him how can you stop loving him? I just doesn't seem possible.it's sorta funny because I used to think that divorce was natural and nothing was wrong with it at least I did until My parents divorced. She says that when I grow up I'll understand. Where does she live? I'm almost eighteen. I am almost a legalized adult of American society. The only thing worse is when she wants me to meet her 'friends'. In other words some guy that she's slept with a couple of times. I remember one guy.Jeff I think his name was. He was the first.  
"Hey Champ, I'm you mommy's friend." He told me.  
"You don't have to talk down to me." I tell him with out looking him. "Lester be nice. We can start over. He can be your dad." My mother told me. I stood up. "This man is not a will not be my dad!" I tell her standing up to glare at them. They both left my room and Gaby came in. "You don't like Jeff?" She asks. I shake my head. "Neither do I, I want Dad to come live with us again." She tells me. "Me too." I tell her smiling. I hate things the way they are. When ever I complain mom casts me a tearful forlorn glance and tells me: "Why? Everythings wonderful now." She plasters a fake smile on her face. Finally I broke. "Mom, incase you haven't noticed it's not wonderful! It never was! Me and Gaby don't want to hear it anymore!" I yelled storming up to my room. I didn't want to live in a life of 'wonderful new endeavors' .  
  
I don't wanna hear you say  
  
That I will understand someday  
  
No, no, no, no  
  
I don't wanna hear you say  
  
You both have grown in a different way  
  
No, no, no, no  
  
I don't wanna meet your friends  
  
And I don't wanna start over again  
  
I just wanna my life to be the same  
  
Just like it used to be  
  
Somedays I hate everything  
  
I hate everything  
  
Everyone and everything  
  
Please don't tell me everything is wonderful now  
  
I don't wanna hear you tell me everything is wonderful now 


	2. Perfect the Adam Banks story

I do not own Adam banks or this song. Alanis Morissette owns the song and Disney owns Adam.  
  
PERFECT  
  
They lost a game. badly. Stanton, another school like Eden Hall, slaughtered the ducks on the ice. Adam Banks couldn't help but think about what his dad was gonna call and tell him. He walked in his room and was greeted by the impatient ring of the phone on his night table. He dropped his bag on the floor and flopped down on the bed before answering the phone. He knew it was his dad. He knew it was going to be the same tired speech he got when the team lost. It's not like it was his fault, to bad his dad never saw it like that.  
"Hello," He said, in a drained tone.  
"Don't act like your tired. You shouldn't be tired, you barley did anything that's why your team lost." Mr. Banks snapped.  
"I tried my best--" Adam started, what he really wanted to say was 'shut up you old man. I would like to see out on the ice playing.' Adam inwardly smirked. The comment reminded him of something Portman would say.  
"Well, you know what Adam, you best isn't good enough." Mr. Banks cut him off.  
"We win and lose. Sometimes, like today, we lose by a lot, and sometimes we win by a lot dad." Adam tried to explain.  
"Well, sometimes isn't good enough Adam. You're a Banks and Banks boys always win first place." Mr. Banks told Adam. What Adam knew he really meant was, 'You have to be perfect like your brothers to even earn the title of son.' Adam let his dad finish his ranting and finally say good- bye. He knew his roommate, Guy, would be in the room soon so he went to the bathroom and washed his face. He smiled at himself.  
"Don't let you guard down, don't forget to smile for the ducks so they don't suspect a thing. And to stop the constant speeches don't forget to win first place." I whispered to himself.  
  
Sometimes is never quite enough If you're flawless, then you'll win my love Don't forget to win first place Don't forget to keep that smile on your face  
  
It was Friday, and Adam was going home for the weekend, like he did at least once a month.  
"See ya," He called to the ducks that passed. Russ stopped and turned to Adam.  
"Yea, don't forget to be a good little boy for mommy and daddy." Russ teased. Adam plastered on a smile. Then he saw Mr. Cooper. He was passing Mr. Coopers with a B but lately he was slacking off and goofing around. He hoped to pass by Mr. Cooper with out being noticed unfortunately he wasn't that lucky.  
"Mr. Banks," He said sternly. Adam turned and smiled uneasily. "Next week I expect you to try harder in maintaining a professional state in my class." Adam nodded.  
"Yes sir," He mumbled and walked towards the bus stop. Instead of the bus picking him up his older brother's red sports car pulled up.  
"Yo Adam hop in." His brother, Nicholas called to him. Adam did as he was told.  
"Hey bro, what's up?" He asked. Nicholas let out a sigh.  
"Dad is still angry you didn't win your last game, as much as you hate it you've gotta push your self to Measure up to his standards." He said. The rest of the car ride was silent. He opened the door and heard his mom and dad talking.  
"You should be proud of Adam." His mom said to his dad. He cleared his throat and his parents looked over at him.  
"It's not my fault, Ann." Mr. Banks told his wife. Then he turned to Adam, " You have to make me prouder." Adam rushed up to his room and automatically locked the door. He didn't know why. It just helped him think with out much intrusion.  
  
Be a good boy Try a little harder You've got to measure up And make me prouder  
  
Adam heard someone knocking on the door. It was his other older brother, Anthony. Adam and Anthony never really got along.  
"What do you want?" He asked.  
"Dad came home and told us how you messed up the game." He said in his casual unfriendly voice. Adam just glared at his older brother.  
"I'm not the only one on the team." Adam mumbled angrily.  
"Yeah," He said sounding annoyed. "When is your next game?" Adam looked at him quizzically.  
"Sorry, what I meant to say was how long until you screw up again?" Anthony asked critically. Adam through the door shut in his brother's face.  
"Adam, Hurry and get ready were going to dinner with Mr. And Mrs. Key. They have a daughter, Glisten Key." Mr. Banks called to Adam. He was getting dressed, combed his hair, and putting on his shoes and every five minutes his dad would call to him. 'Hurry up.' Or something like it. When he was finally ready to go his dad was standing in the living room with the rest of the family.  
"How many times do I have to tell you to hurry up!" Mr. Banks told him. Adam shrugged. They all piled up into the family car. The drove for a little while until they pulled up in front of Castle In The Sky, a huge conglomeration of fancy restaurants. There stood a short portly man and his tall wiry wife. Next to them was a girl about Adam's age and A boy about Anthony's age; The girl had long honey colored curls cascading off her shoulders and luminous cerulean eyes flawlessly accented by makeup. The boy had a halo of beige curls and chocolate colored eyes. The entire Banks clan walked up to the four people.  
"Hello William," Mr. Banks began. " This is my wife Ann, My oldest son Nicholas, My middle son Anthony and My youngest son Adam." He introduced.  
"Hello Sir." The three boys said in unison.  
"Why Phillip, you have an amazing bunch of lads. This is my wife Ruth, My Son Keith and My daughter Glisten."  
"Hello Sir, how are you today?" Keith asked in a tone Adam recognized has one he used when meeting his dad's 'people'. It was a mix of boredom and immediate dislike.  
"Hello," The daughter said in a high pitched cheerful voice. They all sat at a table and Adam was sitting in between Anthony and Nicholas a crossed from Glisten and Keith.  
"So," Glisten started, "Are you, like, into stuff?"  
"Um. Yea, hockey." Adam said. Keith looked interested, Glisten looked at him blankly. He heard Keith whisper 'it's a sport.'  
"Oh," she purred happily in realization, "Isn't it the on where you like, through the ball and like someone else like runs and kicks it and you like score a like Home run?" It was Adams turn to stare blankly not only did she not even know what hockey was, she mixed things from football, soccer and Base ball.  
"This girl is stupid," Adam mumbled to himself. Unfortunately the ditzy blonde heard this and started crying.  
"Daddy, Daddy, Daddy, Adam called my dumb." She whined. The Key family left comforting the crying beauty. Mr. Banks just stared his eyes bulging. Quickly her turned on his heel and followed the Key's.  
Later when the Bank's family was home they all fled to their respective places, except for Adam and his dad.  
"How could you embarrass poor Glisten like that the girl was really in love Adam." Mr. Banks said.  
"In love? She was just superficial all she cared about was how rich I was and what I looked like. The girl didn't know what hockey was." Adam yelled. Mr. Banks glared angrily.  
"You know Adam, I've do allot for you. I got you on the varsity hockey team, and you quit and I excepted that." He said but Adam cut him off.  
"After having a huge fit!" Adam said forcefully. This shocked them both into an angry silence. Both of them shaking with anger.  
"I still did tons for you I raised you and all. The very least you could do is shut up once in a while." Mr. Banks told his son. Adam ran up the stairs to his room. He picked up his book bag and stuck something's in it. He was going back to school... tonight!  
  
How long before you screw it up How many times do I have to tell you to hurry up With everything I do for you The least you can do is keep quiet  
  
Adam waited till it was late and his parents where sleeping. Adam rushed into the hall, his book bag securely on his shoulder. He ran right into his two brothers.  
"Hey Ads, where you going?" Anthony asked.  
"Back to school." Adam replied shortly.  
"This late? Adam how you going to get there? The buses stopped coming around here an hour ago." Nicholas told him.  
"I'll walk if I have to." He said confidently. Anthony laughed.  
"I'll drive you come on." Nick said. Adam followed his oldest brother.  
"Hey Ads, don't forget to be a good GIRL at school." Anthony said bitterly. A week after Nick Dropped Adam off at school, they had a game. They did better than the week before but they still lost, but only by just 1 goal. When they were all in the locker room the coach gave them a little speech. "Ducks, you did ok out there. You're getting better. You just need to try a little harder Push a little farther. Tonight you just didn't go fast enough." Coach Orion told them. The ducks gave a weak cheer before clearing out. Adam was the first one up to his room. When he got there His dad was standing out side. "What did you think you were doing out there tonight?" Mr. Banks asked. Adam didn't reply so he just continued. "That wasn't good enough. You need to win! You need to make us proud!" Mr. Banks yelled. Frightened that one of the ducks could here. Adam unlocked his door and ushered his dad into the room.  
  
Be a good girl You've gotta try a little harder That simply wasn't good enough To make us proud  
  
Adam sat on his bed and watched his dad pace the room.  
"Adam," He started. "I was a hockey player when I was younger, I messed up. I lost a lot of games and therefore was never wanted for a big team. That's why I want you to be a hockey star. If you're the best then the whole family is the best, compared to most." Mr. Banks said. Adam knew he was just trying to make it sound better then it was. What his dad really meant was I'm gonna live through you. I'll make you what I wasn't. If you're the best then so am I compared to every one else.  
"Sure." Adam replied.  
"What? I'm doing this for your own good. Damn it! You're gonna be better then what I ever was!" He said Stomping out of the room. This time it was pretty straight forward. Adam hugged his knee's to his chest and started to cry. He was unaware that Guy, Charlie, Fulton and Connie entered the room.  
"Adam? Adam, what's wrong?" Connie asked gently.  
"Yea, man what's the problem?" Guy echoed.  
"Why are you crying?" Charlie asked. Adam didn't answer he just closed his eyes.  
  
I'll live through you I'll make you what I never was If you're the best, then maybe so am I Compared to him compared to her I'm doing this for your own damn good You'll make up for what I blew What's the problem... why are you crying  
  
The voices echoed through Adams head.  
"Be a good little boy" Russ's tease rang through his head.  
"Push a little farther. Tonight you just didn't go fast enough." Coach's speech repeated. Adam opened his eyes and saw every one staring at him with concern.  
"Adam?" Charlie tried again. Fulton spoke up awkwardly.  
"Adam we heard we your dad said." He told him. Adam looked at him with disbelief.  
"Yea, and we love you just the way you are." Connie said.  
"Yea, cuz your our cake eater." Guy said. Adam smiled. For once he knew people loved him with out meaning only if your perfect.  
  
Be a good boy Push a little farther now That wasn't fast enough To make us happy We love you just the way you are If you're perfect 


	3. Stay together for the kids the Fulton Re...

Blink 182 owns the song and Disney owns Fulton  
  
Stay together for the kids  
  
I tried to open my eyes as the alarm on my right blared. I soon deemed it impossible. Though the sun outside was blindingly bright and I could hear the little kids shouting playfully at this damned house. They were probably also throwing rocks but I couldn't tell because my window was busted out which is why the shades and curtains were taped shut. You could be thinking why are they doing this? They do it because 2984 Goldmine road was "haunted" so people, mostly around the ages 10-13, throw rocks and made cat calls. It never really bothered me much; I always thought of it as immature and pathetic. In my opinion, teasing a house (or any non-living thing for that matter) made no sense. I felt like opening my eyes go to the window and yell back, I have plenty things to tell them number one on the list is "Fuck off". I tried to laugh but the joyful sound wouldn't come out. As soon as I started to doze off again I could hear my folks yelling and thought vaguely about the chain letter I received from Charlie. 'Do not break this chain' the stupid letter warned. 'This is the happy home poem. Say it to your family when they are fighting. Family is more then blood its care love and hope / so this is my reminder to you/ to make peace so you wont mope/ and to this poem stay true/ be a happy family cuz people truly love you/ hope shall clear all hate and doubt/ so say what you want and let love shine through/ don't forget what this poem is all about.' Yea right, I thought critically, like a poem could fix this home. But honestly if it could I would read it everyday.  
  
Its hard to wake up  
  
When the shades have been pulled shut  
  
This house is haunted  
  
It's so pathetic  
  
It makes no sense at all  
  
I'm ripe with things to say  
  
the words rot and fall away  
  
If a stupid poem could fix this home, I'd read it every day  
  
I finally managed to pull myself out of bed and pull on a winkled pair of jeans and a crinkled black shirt, and tied on a bandana and throw on my boots. The last day of spring break and I want. scratch that, need to get out of this house. I passed my dad, passed out on an armchair sleeping off a hang over, thinking about tomorrow, I knew that my dad would be in the same place when I go back to Eden hall.  
"To get a head start on tomorrow, Here's your holiday, I wont come back to ruin it this time, so enjoy." I promised. The first day of spring break my dad yelled at me for coming back and ruining his 'vacation' as he called it, though it was really just time his son wasn't there wasting space. I shook his head to clear my spitefully painful thoughts. Quickly I went outside and walked to the bus stop. I don't have anything I truly want to do, so I rode the bus all the way down the line and got off at the last stop, Which was oddly enough was only about a block from its first stop and walked back home. Unfortunately, when I got back my dad was up and moving. As stealthily as I could I went back to my room. When I got into my room I froze. Staring at the blank Grey carpet and empty black walls I realized my stuff was missing. Suddenly me dad came up behind me.  
"Needed beer money." He said waving a beer bottle in front of my face as if I was incompetent. "That was my stuff! You gave away all my stuff" I yelled venomously. "Sold your stuff, Dumb ass!" My dad shouted. "It was mine." I said softly. He wont even remember this later, I thought. Hell, he's been drinking since he was 17, that's 20 years of stuff he can't remember. "Well, guess what it's someone else's now." He said smiling crookedly. "That's not right" I mumble pushing past him. It's a good thing I sent almost everything to my dorm room early. Unexpectedly I found my self at the mall of America.  
  
So here's your holiday  
  
hope you enjoy it this time  
  
you gave it all away  
  
It was mine  
  
So when your dead and gone  
  
Will you remember this night  
  
Twenty years now lost  
  
It's not right  
  
In fact, not just at the mall of America, at the movie theater standing by the ticket booth. A boy just entered the booth and took the other spot next to a brunette girl. Scanning the other ticket clerks I notice a very familiar Red head. Averman, the boy I barley Knew but some how I got this feeling He was depressed. Averman looks over at the brunette next to him.  
"Hey Als, Since Wing is back I'm gonna go on break." Averman said.  
"Back in 15?" She asked.  
"Yea, Then you can have your break." He told her. The girl grinned at him as she handed the customer a ticket and returning the grin Averman left. With out even realizing it I followed him.  
"Hey." I say. Startled, he turned.  
"Oh. Hey, Fulton." He said in a tone that matched mine.  
"What's up?" I asked concerned.  
"Nothing, just working." He replies innocently.  
"You know what I mean, Averman. What's wrong?" I ask impatiently.  
"Well. From the beginning of my younger Sisters life my parents have been fighting. I swear, I'm gonna cut my ears off just so I don't have to hear 'em." He tells me, his voice slightly uneven.  
"How long is that?" I ask curiously.  
"A full 7 years." He says.  
"Yea, It's stupid isn't it." I pause and he nods. "How they'd rather fight then work things out. The problems never get fixed and it makes no sense." I tell him. He nods again.  
"I see them everyday, because I don't live in dorms. And I get along with 'em both and so does Gaby, so why can't they get along with each other?" He said.  
  
"A divorce might be best." I said, He looks at me frightened.  
"That'll make things worse." He said. I nod. I've seen what divorce can do to families.  
"There's always that stinging question. If it's what he wants and it's what she wants" He starts but, I cut him off with the real point of the question. "Why is there so much pain?" I say, he nodded. Averman looked down at his watch. He gave me a weak smile. "I gotta go relieve, Alexandra. It's time for her break." He said walking off.  
  
The anger hurts my ears  
  
Been running strong for seven years  
  
Rather then fix the problem  
  
They never solve them  
  
It makes no sense at all  
  
I see them everyday  
  
We get along so why can't they?  
  
If this is what he wants  
  
And its what she wants  
  
Then whys there so much pain?  
  
After walking around the mall for a few hours I walked home. The way Averman seemed today was a real depressing site. He's always the one that cheers the team up. He was always so quirky and full of energy to the point it was annoying. I'm pretty sure I'd rather have that Averman then the passive, disheartened one. I got home and my dad was passed out on the couch and my mom was getting drugged up in the corner. Calmly I walked to my now empty room I went to the corner my bed used to be and curled up on the dirty grey carpet and let today's events wash over me. Unexpectedly I drifted off to sleep. The next morning I woke up unusually on time. I walked into the living room and saw my folks still passed out in the spots they were last night. I took my chance to say what needed to be said whether they could hear and comprehend it or not.  
"Mom, Dad," I started in a firm voice. "Here's you holiday. Enjoy. I won't be back for quite awhile and I honestly hope that'll make you smile. I still can't believe you gave my stuff away, you jerk. It was mine it belonged to me and you just drank it all way. To society you're already dead and gone. I should probably feel the same, but I don't and the sad thing is. You won't remember me tonight, or the past 20 years you lost drinking your life away. And as much as I feel you deserve what you've you worthless piece of trailer trash. It's not right. NO one deserves this so called life." I said throwing a twenty dollar bill onto the table, littered with beer cans and pill bottles. I walked out, knowing they were more then likely gonna blow my money on drugs and alcohol.  
  
So here's your holiday  
  
Hope you enjoy it this time  
  
You gave it all away  
  
It was mine  
  
So when your dead and gone  
  
Will you remember this night  
  
Twenty years now lost  
  
It's not right 


	4. Sister Blister the Julie Gaffney Story

The song belongs to Alanis. Julie belongs to Disney.  
  
Twins. That's all most people see when they look my twin sister, Jamie Gaffney and me. They see two people, same gender, similar hair color, matching eye color, equal height and weight. Then they immediately assume we have identical personalities. Just because we were born to the same mother and the same father on the same day within the same ten minutes at the same hospital in the same room we must get along and be inseparable. When in truth I don't think we've ever gotten along. In truth I hardly know her. One thing I do know is that we are constantly fighting to be the best Gaffney daughter. Never stopping in our competition, I beat her in hockey and she won out in soccer. Both of us goalies, both of us equally beat up at the end of a game. We step on each other to get we want then we then we show off our scars. Its sad that not only our we doing it but, we have people all over the world cheering for us to dig a little deeper and hurt a little more. The only thing we have in common any more is the fact that we're both Female.  
One day I was walking down the street and saw another set of twins. They were getting along, laughing and giggling like best friends do, Just like I and Connie have many times. These twins were grinning wildly when one recited "one for all," and her twin finished her sentence "and all for one". Jamie and me were never like that. We considered getting close to each other like that week. After all, weren't Her and me enemies? Competition? The simple answer is yes. and will always be.  
  
You and me we're cut from the same cloth  
  
It seems to some we famously get along  
  
But you and me are strangers to each other  
  
Cuz you and me: competitive to the bone  
  
Such tragedy to trample on each other with how much we've endured  
  
With the state this land is in  
  
You and me feel joined only by gender  
  
We are not all for one and one for all  
  
"Sister blister" Jamie sneered at me as I passed her. I just stuck my tongue out, immature but that was the only thing I could think of that particular four AM. That's when my flight from Minnesota came in .She could be a pain in this and I could be to if I weren't so sleep deprived. She just rolled her eyes. While our older brothers, Matt and Luke laughed. This pleased them it always had. We fight 95% of the time because we know if we win enough times, our brothers will accept us as 'one of the guys', and we wanted that. We always wanted what one of us couldn't have. They enjoy us stepping on each other to get where we want. They want us to fight to be one of them. We have to beg to be in the club they were born to. Easily into the club of boys. All we want is acceptance; all we want is to be let in.  
  
Sister blister we fight to please the brothers  
  
We think their acceptance is how we win  
  
They're happy we're climbing over each other  
  
To beg the club of boys to let us in  
  
Our Mother and Father were always working, providing the money to get us the best. But they never knew us, me and my sister that is. Besides that I went to Eden Hall with the ducks for hockey in Minnesota, while Jamie went with her team the Hawks to play soccer at Anne Morgans a prep school in California. Sometimes in the small of the night I feel helpless. I know she feels it to. It's because at the end of the day, we have no one to talk to. If I had a different face and different skin I wouldn't be so helpless to connect with her. We could've been best friends.  
The next morning I needed a friend. I decided wear my ducks jersey, the denim jacket the bash brothers got me and the denim skirt Connie bought me.  
"Hey Jules." Luke said looking up from his bowl of cheerio's. When he did so he dropped his spoon.  
"Hey Matt! Come look at this, Julie actually looks like a girl." He called. Matt walked into the room.  
"Wow, could this mean she's going to act like a girl to? Jaime will be competition less." Matt said.  
"Please Jaime is not competition Matt." I tell him rolling my eyes.  
"Well if she's no competition then why don't you prove it?" Luke challenged.  
"In front of everyone. At the goalie met that we go to" Matt said. I nodded any time I got to show my sister up was a good time. When I got up to my room I thought about it. We all ready established I was just as good if not better than she was but those were just stupid games in the back yard. She had tons of friends that went to the met every year. She informed the entire family that her entire soccer would be there. If I bet her in front of her hockey. scratch that she plays soccer not hockey. Suddenly I realized how I would feel if she did that to me in front of the ducks. Should I really hurt her like that? I mean I know no matter what I'll be competing against her, just not in the public eye. We reject each other to see who can go farther. I know we push each other away just to prove our selves independent, just to prove our selves strong we are. But really were clinging to each other, to our acts of hatred just so were not alone. I can figure it out. We are running on our lack of compassion for each other.  
  
You and me estranged from the mother  
  
You and me have felt impotent in our skin  
  
You and me have taken it out on each other You and me disloyal to the feminine  
  
Such a pity to disavow each other with how far we've come  
  
With how strong we've been  
  
You and me are on this pendulum together  
  
You and me with scarcity still fueling  
  
I sighed. I thought about just how many times she's called me sister blister, which is more then I can count. If I do this Matt and Lucas will be happy and I'll finally be accepted. They love to see us grind each other face in the dirt as we fight to be let in. I have finally made it I got accepted. I can finally say I'm better and leave Jaime out. I've been waning this forever but, I cant bring myself to do it.  
  
Sister blister we fight to please the brothers We think their acceptance is how we win They're happy we're climbing over each other To beg the club of boys to let us in  
  
So what if her sports soccer and mine is hockey? Who cares If we never get along? Who cares if we would have both been better off boys? But should I really use these as basis for humiliation? I mean I cant just take the rug from under her. But she made it harder for me not to. She's made my life a living hell. Suddenly My thoughts were broken by Jaime.  
"Julie?" She said entering my room.  
"Yea, sister blister." I retort, getting a small laugh from her.  
"Um Julie. I." With that she just hugged me. I don't think we've ever made contact of any sort with out one (or both) of us winding up hurt. We forgot how hard it was to be alone, to be separated.but not to be strong.  
"In it together?" I ask her.  
"Totally." She said smiling.  
  
We may not have priorities same  
  
We may not even like each other  
  
We may not be hugely anti-men  
  
But such a cost to dishonor a sister  
  
You and me have made it harder for the other  
  
We forget how hard separatism has been  
  
You and me we can help change their minds together  
  
You and me in alignment until the end  
  
Jamie and I walked into the room together.  
"Luke?" Jaime called.  
"Matt?" I mimicked. The two boys emerged. Staring at us.  
"We have decided," I started.  
"We are no longer are gonna fight to make you laugh. We aren't." Jamie said.  
"Gonna fight to be one of the guys. You were," I stated  
"Proud to see us stepping on each other to get what we want. Because, " Jaime said.  
"We were stupid enough to want to be in the club of boys." I told them and with that the two of us left them there. Together, but no less stronger. Flabbergasted that we could get along, yet alone finish each others thoughts.. We wont tell them we practiced.  
  
Sister blister we fight to please the brothers  
  
We think their acceptance is how we win  
  
They're happy we're climbing over each other  
  
To beg the club of boys to let us in 


	5. Swing Swing the Guy Germaine Story

The all American Rejects own swing, swing. Disney owns Guy.  
  
I sat at my desk looking down at the clean wood surface. Luis walked into the room.  
"Hey Guy." My roommate greeted. I gave a weak smile and waved slightly. I looked up at the calendar and noticed the date. A month since Connie broke up with me. When did that happen? It still feels like the same day.  
"Luis what time is it?" I ask with out turning to face him.  
"About 10:30." He said. I got up an stripped down to my boxers and undershirt.  
"I'm sleeping, night man." I say. I laid down in my bed and closed my eyes. Visions of Connie embedded themselves in my dreams. It's only been a month and she's already dating this new kid, Tyler Mason. A mix of feelings swept me up at once. Anger, at Tyler for taking my Connie, Happy that at least Connie was happy, and sadness the she wasn't happy with me. I drifted off to sleep. In my dream Connie and me were talking, suddenly Mason grabbed the sun out of the sky and Connie Disappeared. I woke up in the middle of the night. I've been doing that a lot lately. I felt the tears fall from my eyes and slide down my check. I know, your thinking pathetic right? I can't help it we've been dating for years.  
  
Days swiftly come and go.  
  
I'm dreaming of her  
  
She's seeing other guys  
  
Emotions they stir  
  
The sun is gone.  
  
The nights are long  
  
And I am left while the tears fall.  
  
I woke up to the ringing of the room phone. I glance at the clock it told me it was noon. I rubbed my face and answered the phone.  
"Hello?" I answered lazily.  
"Hey Guy." Connie said gently.  
"Constance." I greeted, mentally I could see her flinch at her name.  
"So how are you doing?" She asked testily. Does she think I'm gonna cry to her about the break up? I'm not that Pathetic, I wanna keep my dignity.  
"I'm fine, how about yourself?" I asked.  
"Great," She stated I could tell she was smiling. "Tyler and me went out to breakfast it was great." Was she rubbing it in? Does she even remember what it's like to be alone single with out a love?  
"That sounds lovely." I told Connie.  
"So how about you did you find anyone new?" She asked. I racked my brain then a name and a face came to me.  
"Actually I was thinking about Asking Maggie James." I said before I could think properly. God, I thought, if she tells Portman he'll kill me. Maggie and Portman grew up in Chicago together  
"That freak." She said before composing herself. "That's great. It wonderful you have no problems with us being separated."  
"Honestly I did at first but now I have no problems." I said stretching the truth.  
"Me too. Well, Guy, I have to go." Connie said.  
"Alright bye Connie." I said hanging up the phone.  
"I will find someone new." I vowed to myself.  
  
Did you think that I would cry,  
  
on the phone?  
  
Do you know what it feels like,  
  
being alone?  
  
I'll find someone new  
  
Surprising myself I actually found that I was going to Maggie and Julies room. I knocked on the door and a flash of last night's nightmare came back. Connie tugging and swinging on my tangled heart strings. Maggie opened the door.  
"Hey Guy what's up?" She asked. She had the front of her head one in he usual spiked do but the back has hanging limply just passing her ears.  
"Nothing, really. I just wanted to know If I could talk to you." I answered. What am I doing? My head screamed.  
"Sure, Come in. I wanna finish my hair." She said turning away leaving the door open.  
"Is Jules here?" I asked.  
"Nope, her, Connie and Tyler went skating." She said carefully twisting her black hair up ward. While she did her hair I had a staring match with the floor. Suddenly the bed sunk slightly with the weight of an added person.  
"So what did ya wanna talk about?" She asked absentmindedly, tossing one of Julie's hockey pucks up and catching it. Still my eyes remained glued to the floor.  
"You wanna talk about Connie don't ya?" She asked.  
"More than that." I said with I sigh. Maggie stopped tossing the puck and looked at me waiting for me to elaborate.  
"She crushed me. Then she called me today and just started talking to me about how great Tyler was. She asked if I liked any one. and I told her I liked you." I said. Maggie looks quite shocked but then smiles.  
"And do you?" She asked. I nod with out even realizing it. She smiles.  
"Can you help me stop being so pathetic." I joke smiling. She nodded still smiling.  
"Yea I think we can work on that." Maggie said slightly chuckling.  
  
Swing, Swing, Swing from the tangles of  
  
My heart is crushed by a former love  
  
Can you help me find a way  
  
To carry on again.  
  
I left the girls dorm happier then I've been in a while. I looked up at the sky.  
"Thank god, I hope this works." I mumble my hope into the nice breeze. I went back to my room and the only thing I could think was 'I'm finally moving on'. I started going though my stuff. I saw a couple of love letters, notes passed during class periods. They were old. bent by careless placement but you could still see the careful folds made be Connie. I had a sneaking suspicion, that every girl loves getting and giving notes so I'm not worried about never getting one again. All of them are pretty standard. I love you, I'm so bored, What are you doing later and all the other useless questions. I think Maggie isn't gonna be as wound up on notes as Connie, I don't think Cons could live with out passing someone a note.  
  
Wish cast into the sky  
  
I'm moving on  
  
Sweet beginnings do arise  
  
She knows I was wrong  
  
The notes are old,  
  
They bend, they fold  
  
And so do I to a new love.  
  
Later at dinner I saw Connie. She came over and started talking to me.  
"Hey." She said awkwardly.  
"Hey." I replied genuinely smiling.  
"Guy, I was wrong to break up with you. Dating Tyler wasn't as spectacular as I thought it would be." She whispered.  
"You wanna get back together don't you." I ask. She nodded slowly. My mind raced, earlier I would have gladly taken her back but now I was with Maggie. Right Connie, your problems are gone. I thought dryly to myself remembering our phone conversation.  
"Sorry Cons. I'm seeing someone." I tell her. As if on cue, Maggie came and sat next to me followed by Portman and Fulton.  
"Hey." I greeted them. Connie rolled her eyes and went to sit with Julie and a couple of other girls. This day has carried me to newer heights and all I had to do was whisper 'Carry me away'.  
  
Bury me  
  
(You thought your problems were gone)  
  
Carry me  
  
(Away. away, away...) 


	6. Two beds and a coffee Machine the Dean P...

The song belongs to Savage Garden and Portman belongs to Disney. Yasmine Maya Portman and Tyler Adam Portman belong to me.  
  
I sat on the top of the steps watching the scene below; I knew it all to well, Dad smacking Mom around, Mom throwing things at him protecting her self. I stayed at the top of the steps. Yes, occasionally I did defend my mom. I'm not a jerk I don't like seeing my mom get the shit beat out of her but she can defend her self for the most part. Meanwhile I make sure no one goes up or down the stairs. If dad in his revolting angry drunk state comes up the stairs there is a good chance he'll go into Yasmine's or Tyler's room and they're to young to properly defend themselves from our dad. Tyler is the older of the two and he's only 12, Yasmine's 8. Tyler could probably fair well, maybe even kick ass in a fight with most 12 year olds but against a drunken 46-year-old man with no hair and extra body weight, I don't think he would. I watched for a good half an hour before mom left the room in tears and dad passed out on the couch. Slowly the door creaked open and my mom walked carefully into the living room. She made several quick glances at the couch before deciding that Dad is indeed asleep. Quietly she stooped down and started picking up pieces of vases and a chair or two. I make my way down the stairs and help her.  
"Thank you Dean. Could you please wake up your brother and sister?" My mother asked gently. She sounded nothing like the woman who had been fighting most of the night. "It's time to get away." She added. I nod and walk back up the steps. I went into the first room grabbed my leather jacket and my duffel bag which held clothes, Cd's and my Walkman. We all had our bags pre-made because mom insisted it was easier to get away. We got away at least 5 or 6 times a month. After shouldering my duffle bag I walked into the next room. I set my bag at the end of the bed and shook my brother awake.  
"Tyler put on your jacket and lets go." I told him. He rolled over.  
"I'm tired I don't wanna go." He complained.  
"Tyler Adam, get up lets go." I say. After a few minutes of silence I pick the younger boy up and place him on his feet.  
"Get your bag and put your jacket on." I instruct and this time he obeys. After grabbing my bag from the end of his bed, I go into the next room.  
"Yasmine." I say gentle shaking my sister. Her eyes opened.  
"Time to go?" she asked half drowsy, half complaining. I nod.  
"Just for a little while." I tell her. Slowly she gets up and puts on her sweatshirt. After waiting for Yasmine to get her stuff we walk out into the hall where Tyler is waiting. I follow them down the stairs and grab the car keys off the hall table. Mom has now come out of her room and is in the lead. My siblings climb into the back seat of the car after throwing their bags into the trunk. Mom is now wearing a long sleeve shirt to try and hide the cuts and bruises that are scattered all over her arms.  
"Mommy, why are we leaving?" Yasmine asked still slightly clueless. I could see mom trying to find an answer that fit.  
"Dad's sick. Mom doesn't want us getting sick so we are leaving till he feels better." I lied and she knew it, she isn't stupid. I'm gonna have to think up an excuse ahead of time next time. They ask every time but they know what's going on, they are just trying to fool themselves. I know I was like that when I was their age.  
  
And she takes another step  
  
Slowly she opens the door  
  
Check that he is sleeping  
  
Pick up all the broken glass and furniture on the floor  
  
Been up half the night screaming now it's time to get away  
  
Pack up the kids in the car  
  
Another bruise to try and hide  
  
Another alibi to write  
  
I watched Yasmine and Tyler play the 'another' game. It's really stupid but, when Tyler and I were younger we had to keep are selves entertained somehow. Its basically, you find two objects on the road that are the same, like two rail roads or something, after you pass the 2nd object you say, another whatever object you picked. Who ever is the last one to say another whatever before we stop wins.  
"Another ditch." Tyler said lazily. "And yet we're still moving." He muttered.  
"Another stop sign." Yasmine said without enthusiasm. "and we still keep moving." She yawned. Both of them had fallen asleep in 5 minutes. I looked back at them. I remember being like that when I was the age. It doesn't seem that long ago. When I was 14, I almost didn't go to the goodwill games if it wasn't for the fact that Tyler, mom and Yasmine wanted me to I would have never gone. The more I thought about how my life has been; I realized I spend about 8/10ths of it in this beat up piece of junk. I can't believe, I made it for so long.  
  
Another ditch in the road  
  
You keep moving  
  
Another stop sign  
  
You keep moving on  
  
And the years go by so fast  
  
Wonder how I ever made it through  
  
I couldn't help but start thinking about Tyler and Yasmine again. I turned my head and saw that they were still asleep. Will they make it thought this fucking nightmare? More then likely. I shouldn't worry over shit that isn't going to happen. People say that the mind is a complex and amazing part of your body. It's not for half the people I know, siblings included. All they know is after a nice little trip in the car they get candy and a couple of new toys and stay in some run-down cheap hotel that usually has a total of two beds and a coffee machine. I hit my head against the seat.  
"When we go home I need to buy groceries." My mom said.  
"When we go home? News flash this damned car is our home and that cheep hotel on 19th street is our house." I tell her angrily.  
"Well, Dean, you know just as well as I do we have to go home sometime." She said. And with that the car ride was quiet.  
  
And there are children to think of  
  
Baby's asleep in the backseat  
  
Wonder how they'll ever make it through this living nightmare But the mind is an amazing thing  
  
Full of candy dreams and new toys and another cheap hotel Two beds and a coffee machine  
  
But there are groceries to buy  
  
And she knows she'll have to go home  
  
My earlier thoughts replayed in my head as I played a silent game of 'another' in my head. Lets see, Another ditch, tree, soda can, I listed then added, we are still moving. More stop signs, run-down houses, garbage. But we need to keep moving. I looked back at the two younger kids in the back. I can remember when I was 8, Tyler was 4 and Yasmine was due, that seems like yesterday. The years go bye so fast. I remember when I didn't know If I would make it through.  
  
Another ditch in the road  
  
You keep moving  
  
Another stop sign  
  
You keep moving on  
  
And the years go by so fast  
  
Wonder how I ever made it through  
  
I thought about mom. How whenever she looks at her arms she must see the scars, making her feel worse about herself. I after a few minutes of blankness I started thinking up good excuses to leave the house in the middle of the night, unfortunately, there really aren't any. I look out at the highway ahead of us, and see a whole bunch more. Something seems to be waiting in the darkness. I cant really describe it but, it seems so much more peaceful then the blinding sun. So much more relaxed, so hopeful. When I was 12 I didn't think I could make it and still keep Tyler and Yasmine safe. Now I know we are all gonna make it through.  
  
Another bruise to try and hide  
  
Another alibi to write  
  
Another lonely highway in the black of night  
  
But there's hope in the darkness  
  
You know you're going to make it  
  
I spotted several more ditches and couldn't help but think 'Damn Chicago has a lot of ditches' as we glided past them, past everything. Just barley stopping for red lights and stop signs. I took awe at how I used to see things compared to know, it doesn't seem that long ago I actually thought I could shield everyone from this. When I was 12 I was this quiet emotionless. Shell like person. Hat mask was supposed to keep me safe from my wife having to do this with her kids. Now instead of wondering how I ever made it through this little midnight road trip I wonder how I managed to be quiet for so long.  
  
Another ditch in the road  
  
Keep moving  
  
Another stop sign  
  
You keep moving on  
  
And the years go by so fast  
  
Silent fortress built to last  
  
Wonder how I ever made it 


	7. Adam's Song the Charlie Conway Story

Blink 182 owns Adam's Song and Disney (believe it or not) still own the ducks including Charlie. WARNING: SUICIDE ATTEMPT  
  
I sat at my desk. I hate being alone, all the ducks were moving into they're college dorms. Well, I can't say every duck; the bash brothers and me are to broke to afford college but, at least Fulton's moving to Chicago with Dean. So here I am. Alone. I could die right now and I don't think any one would notice. I would die alone. I never expected that I would. I mean, I was surrounded by the ducks for a large part of my life and we were always laughing, especially me. And yet now I want to die. I had thoughts like these since I moved into my own apartment. I tried to turn on my stereo but it wouldn't come on.  
"What the fucks wrong with it now?" I muttered to myself. I stood up and looked at the back of my radio. My eyes followed the cord towards the wall, but the cord fell short of the electrical socket. I rolled my eyes.  
"Next time plug it in Conway." I scolded myself. I decided not to fool with it and just walked around the block. There was nothing really to do anymore, so I leisurely walked the block. I was just about to my house when I felt this urge to hurry. When I got into the house, I went into the living room and just sat on the couch. On the small coffee table was my Swiss army knife.  
"I'm gonna do it, this how I'm gonna end." I said to the half empty room. Maybe in the depressed state of mind I couldn't think enough, all I knew is that the pain would stop. I was to depressed I felt I couldn't go on. I looked at the picture of mom and Keith."  
"You'll be sorry when I'm gone." I told Keith's image sarcastically. We hated each other.  
  
I never thought I'd die alone  
  
I laughed the loudest who'd have known?  
  
I trace the cord back to the wall  
  
no wonder it was never plugged in at all  
  
I took my time, I hurried up  
  
the choice was mine I didn't think enough  
  
I'm too depressed to go on  
  
you'll be sorry when I'm gone  
  
Thinking back to when I was in high school I remembered how much I wanted to beat Eden Hall Alumni at there own game. That never happened and no matter how the ducks and me tried we never conquered Eden Hall. Hell, In the beginning I barley even showed up. When I was 16 all I did was back talk, that is If me and Fulton weren't ditching. Those things made me feel so. Alive. Everything seemed so good back then, or maybe I was just to naive to realize it wasn't. Back when we were at the goodwill games we couldn't ait to get out into the ice and make everyone outside know that team USA was going to dominate. However, after seeing all the teams, we realized how big the world truly was. It seemed to late to win, almost impossible. But in the end we survived. I couldn't wait to get home and tell my mom. But, when I got home, the house was empty so I just waited. In my room alone for the first time in months, and for the first 10 minutes it felt good.  
  
I never conquered, rarely came  
  
16 just held such better days  
  
days when I still felt alive  
  
we couldn't wait to get outside  
  
the world was wide, too late to try  
  
the tour was over, we'd survived  
  
I couldn't wait till I got home  
  
to pass the time in my room alone  
  
I pocketed the knife and went up to my room. I sat in front of my computer and turned it on. Quickly, I got on the net and my email. I at least owed the ducks and my mom a proper good bye. I smiled at my email address, the team insisted my email be 'Captian_Duck_96@hotmail.com'. After I typed in all of the email addresses into the send to box I began my message.  
  
Ducks (and mom, Bombay and Orion),  
I never thought it would end like this. Me alone with a knife. Don't worry about it, in a couple of months I'll just fade. Hell it's all ready began, I'm just Charlie now. I'm not college bound or even leaving Minnesota. I want you guys to have whatever you want. All my things go to my friends. You wont ever need to go in my room. You can close it up board it shut. Remember me doing something bad while being innocent like the time I spilled my juice in the hall. Mom, please remember this is NOT your fault.  
  
I never thought I'd die alone  
  
another six months I'll be unknown  
  
give all my things to all my friends  
  
you'll never step foot in my room again  
  
you'll close it off, board it up  
  
remember the time that I spilled the cup  
  
of apple juice in the hall  
  
please tell mom this is not her fault  
  
I read the first half then added more of an explanation.  
  
I never did corner the hockey market. I don't even play now. I guess I never will. 16 was better, I was so alive then. Us as a team were excited to get out into the world. together. We soon realized how stupid that was. The world was to big for us to even try and stay together, it was to late to try. We figured we would survive and you guys will. I couldn't wait till I got home some days. But, that was only to spend time in my room. by myself.  
~Charles Ryan Conway  
  
With that said I pressed the send button. A small window popped up and told me my message was sent. I shut down my computer and sat at the foot of my bed. I pulled the knife out of my pocket and turned it slowly in my hand knowing that very soon, the ducks would get my message. Pulled the knife out of its compartment and touched it to my left wrist. The cool metal felt eerily cool and calming. I pressed the metal harder and dragged it across my wrist the up it forming a sort of cross on my arm. For a minute I watched the blood ooze out of the self-inflicted wound, then completed the process by doing the same to my right wrist. After endless minutes of watching the blood stream down my arms the world started spinning then suddenly went black.  
  
I never conquered, rarely came  
  
16 just held such better days  
  
days when I still felt alive  
  
we couldn't wait to get outside  
  
the world was wide, too late to try  
  
the tour was over, we'd survived  
  
I couldn't wait till I got home  
  
to pass the time in my room alone  
  
Black. that was the last thing I remembered. Slowly I opened my eyes to see a blinding light.  
"Oh My God! Charlie!" A female yelled throwing her arms around me. After a minute of adjusting to the light I saw Connie. Shifting my gaze around me I saw all of them. My mom, the ducks, my friends, the coaches. everyone even the out of state ducks. For a minute they just stared at me.  
"Charlie, hurry up and get up so we can kill you." Fulton said sounding dead serious. Julie punched him in the arm.  
"What the hell made you do something like this?" Jesse yelled.  
"Yea, who cares if you don't play hockey or go to college or even conquered anything." Luis said.  
"how did you save me? Better yet why?" I asked.  
"Well, how you were save was because I'm a computer geek and was sitting at the computer when your email came in. I called Jesse because he could get to you faster." Averman said.  
"By the way, you house is really easy to break into." Jesse said.  
"Now as to why we saved you. its because what the hell would we do with out a captain Spazway?" Guy questioned, followed by nods.  
"Now Charlie, tomorrow you can get out of the hospital and your coming home with me and Keith." My mom said.  
"And after you hang out with your folks for a while you coming out with us." Russ said gesturing to everyone of the ducks.  
"That should make you feel alive." Julie said. Soon everyone had to leave and I was in the hospital room staring at the ceiling. "God, I can't wait to get outside." I muttered staring out the window.  
  
The next couple of days were great. The ducks and me went everywhere and did almost everything. Once again realizing that if Minnesota was so wide, how big the world was. We gave the out of state ducks a tour of Minnesota. We really never gave them one. The 'tour' before this one was more of here's the store, here's my house and that road takes you back to school sorta deal. Now it was all out. We even ventured into some of the other cities, like Brooklyn Park to see the Mall of America. Now I'm pretty glad I survived. But at the moment, I just wanna go home and relax by myself. If that is indeed possible at the moment.  
  
I never conquered, rarely came  
  
tomorrow holds such better days  
  
days when I can still feel alive  
  
when I can't wait to get outside  
  
the world is wide, the time goes by  
  
the tour is over, I've survived  
  
I can't wait till I get home  
  
to pass the time in my room alone 


	8. So Far away The Greg Goldberg story

So far away is by Stain'd. You know the rest. Sorry It took so long for me to update I haven't really been in the mood to write. Especially this chapter, I think this one is by far my least favorite one.  
  
"In order to know your life you must reflect upon that which has already happened." Ms. Sharp Spoke in an overly jovial tone. Still here I am in my seat... that's if you want to call it that. It's a cushion against the back wall, same with every seat in the room. The only reason I took this psychology class was because Julie promised there was not actually work involved. Little did I know this teacher was a happy go lucky alien on a space trip.  
"This is my life. Hell, we are in high school, I'm pretty sure we know our lives by now." Charlie whispered from next to me. I dragged him in here on the 'no work' lure also the fact we would be in a room full of girls for an hour and a half.  
"You have to admit it's not what it was before, it's not the same as when we were younger." I told him. He just shrugged. Ms. Sharp noticed us talking.  
"Boys, would you like to share you feelings with the class?" She asked sweetly.  
"No." We replied simultaneously. She seemed slightly taken aback. Charlie and me always talked back.  
"Ok, reflection time. I want you to rest against the wall and close your eyes. Now, I want you to think about your dreams." She instructed. Leaning against the wall I obeyed. My dream, surprising as it is, wasn't about hockey as I'm sure Charlie's is. Hockey was my dad's idea. My dream was to be an actor. A comical actor.  
Later Averman and I were walking to lunch when we passed a crowd of people.  
"Hey, Les, Come check it out." Natalie Bronx called to him. Both of us pushed though he group to the table where the brunette sat.  
"Look," She said waving a clipboard in front of his face. He snatched it from her and examined it.  
"Awesome Nat hand me a pen." He said happily.  
"What is it man?" I asked trying to read over his shoulder.  
"It's a sign up sheet. Its to hold you spot at an audition for any of the characters of the comical reenactment of Shakespeare's, Hamlet." He informs me handing it over. 'Stuff like this' I thought scribbling my name, 'These are my dreams.' Yea, I do occasionally dream of winning a hockey champion ship on behalf of both my country and my school but, I've done that already. These are the dreams that I've never lived before.  
A couple of days later, they herded us all into the auditorium for auditions. I got on stage and I felt something... something good. Sounds faded into the background. Somebody shake me. I must still be dreaming.  
  
This is my life  
  
Its not what it was before  
  
All these feelings I've shared  
  
And these are my dreams  
  
That I'd never lived before  
  
Somebody shake me  
  
Cause I, I must be sleeping  
  
I sat in the back of the auditorium after my audition waiting for Averman. They didn't say anything about my audition to me but they didn't say anything to any one. Averman and me have to go straight to Hockey practice after this. Now that I'm here trying out a new dream hockey seems so far from the present. Thinking about what I'm doing made me realize that when I fought the team or struggled with my grades to keep playing, it was stupid. I mean why sacrifice things for something your forced to do? Don't get me wrong I don't regret joining the team and making some awesome friends but it just seems hopeless to try and live 2 dreams. All the things, mistakes and whatnot that made me put up with both a lecture from Coach Orion and Charlie weren't worth it. Because now they are going to go, fade away. Hockey is seriously so far away from my thoughts now. I feel a better I know its weird. But I feel more independent; I can do my own thing away from the team I feel like I can do more, better things as well. Instead of holding a grudge against those who have made fun of me and crap, I feel I can forgive them. Not that I wouldn't have anyway because I'm not Ashamed to be me, Gregory Michael Goldberg.  
  
Now that we're here,  
  
It's so far away  
  
All the struggle we fought was in vain  
  
All the mistakes,  
  
One life contained  
  
They all finally start to go away  
  
Now that we're here its so far away  
  
And I feel like I can face the day  
  
I can forgive and I'm not ashamed to be the person that I am today  
  
Averman and I made our way down to the rink in silence. When we got to the rink Coach was lecturing the team.  
"Does it start with a W?" Averman said jokingly. I smiled.  
"These are my words for you team, you need to try as hard as you possibly can! Win by incredible amounts, while keeping your dignity." He instructed.  
"Like he's never said that before," I heard Charlie whisper to Fulton as I took my place next to him. After 30 minutes into the game, coach stops us again.  
"How do you think your doing?" He barked.  
"Well, I think I'm doing ok." I said beaming. After practice Me and Les were walking to the dorms when we spotted a throng of people gathered around the bulletin board. Natalie push through the crowd towards us.  
"Les, Greg guess what! We made it, all three of us did." She yelped excitedly. I smiled brightly. This is my smile now, I don't think I've ever really fully smiled in front of anyone; this is the one that I've never really shown before. I stood there staring at the girl, now wrapped in a friendly embrace with Averman. I need to be shaken, I Must be sleeping and dreaming this.  
  
These are my words  
  
That I've never said before  
  
I think I'm doing ok  
  
And this is the smile  
  
That I've never shown before  
  
Somebody shake me  
  
Cause I, I must be sleeping  
  
Ms LeBlanc gathered us all into a group.  
"I think we can all agree now that we are we, That is was naïve for us to think it was so far away." She said Smiling. "Now you realize all the struggle you fought wasn't in vain. A play if Life and All of those mistakes one life contained. Well looking back on it now they've finally gone away." She paused thinking about what to say. She reminded me of Charlie. He always gave us a little talk after a game, sometimes before. I echoed the first part in my head realizing that in the beginning I had thought that whole, 'its so far away thing.'  
"You should feel like you can face the day. In fact repeat after me, I can face the day, If my peer makes a mistake I can forgive and I'm not ashamed to the person who I am today. Whether their roll is big or small." Ms. LeBlanc told us. All of us dutifly repeated after her as mumbled as it sounded.  
  
Now that we're here,  
  
It's so far away  
  
All the struggle we fought was in vain  
  
All the mistakes,  
  
One life contained  
  
They all finally start to go away  
  
Now that we're here its so far away  
  
And I feel like I can face the day  
  
I can forgive and I'm not ashamed to be the person that I am today  
  
It was almost my queue (even though it was also Natalie and Averman's queue) and we stood right to the right of the stage.  
"I'm so afraid of wakin please don't shake me." I mumbled softly to myself. Averman glanced up at me. The line that brought us out was said.  
"Ya ready man?" He whispered to me. I nodded and the three of us walked out onto the stage but only one thing rang through my head.  
"so afraid of wakin please don't shake me."  
  
I'm so afraid of waking  
  
Please don't shake me  
  
Afraid of waking  
  
Please don't shake me 


	9. Hell is for children the Jesse Hall stor...

Hell is for Children belongs to Pat Benitar.  
  
I surveyed the room around me checking my siblings for visible damage. Terry sat in the corner adjacent from me cradling his left arm and Monica sat curled up against the nearest wall a small stream of blood trickling from a gash on her cheek. My eyes traced the burly figure passed out on a couch. A figure I came to call dad. I stood slowly as not to awake my dad and used a sleeve to wipe the blood from my busted lip. I walked over to Monica and held out my hand, she grasped it and I helped her to her feet. I crossed the room to Terry and placed one hand on his back while taking his right hand with the other, slowly hoisting him up. I looked at his arm with out touching it.  
"Terry, it's broken. You're gonna have to pretend to break it tomorrow." I instructed him seriously. No one knew our dad did this shit to us, not even our mom, who worked two jobs and often worked at night. We immediately went to the room the three of us shared. As soon as we all entered I closed and locked the door. Taking a damp towel from the adjoining bathroom, I cleaned Monica's gash then my lip. I felt warm tears fall from my eyes as I stared into the darkness. Images of Dad looming over me seeped into my brain. These were typical thing to happen when the lights go off in our room. I occasionally heard Monica whimper letting me know I wasn't alone.  
The next day Terry and I went to play roller hockey with the ducks. I winced as Fulton checked Terry into the fence. Terry screamed as his left side collided with the chain link fence. As soon as Fulton backed off Terry let himself fall to his knees. Me and Connie instantly set a course for the 10 yr. old.  
"Back up!" Connie instructed as she bent down to examine Terry's arm.  
"Do you know what you doing?" He growled at her flinching from her touch.  
"My mom is a doctor just set still." She said calmly as she pressed different area's of Terry's arm only to be replied by different expressions of pain.  
"Your arms broken." She finally said taking off his skates the her own. I copied this action. Fulton approached Terry cautiously and helped him up similar to the way I had last night.  
"Terry, man, I'm so sorry." Fulton informed my younger brother. He nodded his face slightly guilty looking, I could tell he wasn't wild about letting Fulton think he had cause the damage our dad had.  
"Forgive and forget." Terry replied dismissively.  
"All the while..." Fulton muttered his voice trailing off. Terry just shrugged as Me, himself and Connie set off for the hospital.  
Soon after we got to the hospital, mom, dad and Monica showed up and met the ducks who were waiting in the hospital lobby. When the three entered the room Terry and I didn't even bother to acknowledge them.  
"Terrance, how are you feeling buddy?" Dad asked him. "Yea, I'm fine." Terry mumbled a response, shocked that this guy in front of him sounded sincere. I watched him almost amazed this calm friendly seeming young man the same evil and conniving bastard that injured us so many times. This guy was both the source of our love and our pain... which poses the question, Is there really a difference?  
  
They cry in the dark, so you can't see their tears  
  
They hide in the light, so you can't see their fears  
  
Forgive and forget, all the while  
  
Love and pain become one and the same  
  
In the eyes of a wounded child  
  
If you truly want to know boredom take Mrs. Chansons parenting class. Some how that class turned up on my schedule.  
"This is hell," I heard Chaney Williams mutter to her best friend Tamara. This is hell? Ha! She doesn't know what hell is, Hell is a suffering reign of evil. Hell is for children if you think about. Do this, Do that, hurry up, slow down. Not allowed to comprehend things by ourselves. And a lot of us getting smacked around like unwanted toys. I began to focus in to Mrs. Chansons rant only to hear one sentence.  
"And you know that their little lives can become such a mess," She said in her slow steady voice. It was as if she was completing my thought, Hell, Hell is for children. For some reason and tuned in to the lecture again.  
"Listen, I'm sure you're all old enough to know this," She started her eyes resting on me. "If your being abused Tell some one. you shouldn't have to for love with you bones and your flesh" Either I'm becoming paranoid or she knows, her eyes can see it... that's creepy.  
  
Because Hell  
  
Hell Is For Children  
  
And you know that their little lives can become such a mess  
  
Hell  
  
Hell Is For Children  
  
and you shouldn't have to for love with you bones and your flesh  
  
People have asked me where I got the cracked lip, I just replied hockey. I think that's why me and Terry became interested in hockey. We could get beat up by dad and then use hockey as an excuse. The only problem is you have minimal excuses when the hockey team asks you where you got the cuts and the bruise's. That where this whole thing gets complicated, If they don't by your lie they may turn to a sibling and if you two don't have your stories own you could get busted. It's not to bad I guess, sometimes dad apologize after, not that it really makes a difference. I guess it's just nice to know he knows who you are. I'm pretty sure Fulton knows what's happening, simply because It's happening to him to, he's just very good at hiding it.  
It was Monday, Monday meant both parents at work. So Me, Charlie and Fulton walked home together. We were in my driveway when I noticed the Toyota in the drive way. Dad's not supposed to be home. I looked back and forth between Fulton and Charlie.  
"Bye Guys." I said, and almost relieved when they started to walk away. Then I heard it and knew they heard it to. A loud thud and then a scream that I knew belonged to my 8 yr old sister. Automatically, they turned to me.  
"Jesse, Man, what's going on?" Charlie asked.  
"Nothing, Charlie so just mind your own fucking business and Go!" I shouted, before turning and running up the steps. I swung the door open and Monica sat on the floor breathing heavily.  
"Sorry, Sorry, sorry baby." Dad kept mumbling. I grabbed her arm and helped her onto her feet. He looked at us and I scanned the room for Terry.  
"He's at Kyle's" Monica whispered to me softly. I nodded to inform her that I heard her.  
"Your daddy's good little girl, aren't ya Monica?" He asked taking an uneven step forward. She nodded kinda nervously as we took a step back. "And you wont tell mommy what happened will ya?" he asked? She shook her head no, slowly.  
"And you, Jesse, You'll be a good little boy. If you are I'll give you a new toy." He said with a smile. A new toy? What did he think I am, 5? I just stared at him.  
"All the two of you have to do is tell mama you," He said pointing his finger at Monica. "Fell off of the swing." He concluded.  
  
It's all so confusing, this brutal abusing  
  
They blacken your eyes, and then apologize  
  
You're daddy's good girl, and don't tell mommy a thing  
  
Be a good little boy, and you'll get a new toy  
  
Just tell Mama you fell of the swing  
  
"Why do things have to be like this?" Monica asked me after we had retreated to our room, our safe haven.  
"Because Hell," I started somberly, "Hell is for Children." I looked sadly at my petite little sister. 'She's so small, why should she have to go through this' I found my self thinking. Mrs. Chansons words coming back to me in that same passionate voice, "And you know that their little lives can become such a mess,"  
"Hell," She said letting the word sink in. "Hell... Is for children?" She finally said questionably. I nodded, she kept her questioning look.  
"and you shouldn't have to for love with you bones and your flesh." Mrs. Chansons lecture haunted my thoughts.  
  
Because Hell  
  
Hell Is For Children  
  
And you know that their little lives can become such a mess  
  
Hell  
  
Hell Is For Children  
  
and you shouldn't have to for love with you bones and your flesh  
  
"Jesse, are you sure. Cuz, Preacher Harvey said that all children go to heaven, He said it last Sunday after Lissa told him little baby Morgan died." Monica said unsure. "No, Monica, Hell is for us. Hell is for children." I told her. I hated it but, I wasn't gonna let her believe something that wasn't true.  
  
No, hell is for children  
  
Let's face it, I don't like the fact that my life is hell but its better then lying to myself, right?  
"Hell," She muttered trying to think for a moment.  
"Hell is for," I started to repeat myself.  
"Hell, Hell is for Hell, not for us." She yelled cutting me off.  
"Hell is for children," I told her softly wiping her tears away. "But not for angels, and Baby, you're an angel." I tell her soothingly trying to stop her tears.  
  
Hell  
  
Hell is for Hell  
  
Hell is for Hell Hell is for children  
  
As the night passed I couldn't get the conversation out of my head. I shouldn't have told her that. She's only 8 and they don't have to put up with thinking about themselves going to hell. I listened carefully to my angel's soft breathing.  
  
Hell  
  
Hell is for Hell  
  
Hell is for Hell Hell is for children  
  
I still silently believe what I said. I'm just not gonna repeat it. Hell is for children, how ever its for some more then others. Monica doesn't belong in hell, She belongs in heaven with the rest of the Angels. I could be wrong but I don't think so. When Terry came home he came straight to our room andjust sat there feeling the mood of the room. Monica looked at him.  
"Terry? Do you think hell is for children?" she asked him. He looked complexed then replied.  
"Naw, Who told you something wild like that?" He asked. She looked at me carfully.  
"Jesse." She said, he glared at me. Then we all just went to bed to break this awkward silence.  
  
Hell is for children  
  
Hell is for children 


	10. Zoe Jane the Connie Moroue Story

**Zoe Jane belongs to Stain'd.**  
  
I stared out of the plane window as thousands of that's ran through my head. I was finally meeting the man I only dreamed about meeting in person. I mean yea, He sends tons of letters and pictures of himself and I do the same. We've talked on the phone too, but flying out to California to see him was wild and somehow so different. My Dad left before I was born. The divorce was very neat, My dad refused to take anything he didn't need and he and My mom stayed very good friends. Now I finally get to meet my dad, Patrick Moreau. I leaned back in my chair idly listening to my surroundings.  
"Well, I want you to notice, I want my first born to know me and to notice when I'm not around." The guy next to me spoke into his cell phone In my mind I could see a young woman in the mid if not late stages of pregnancy, smiling softly at his words. I quickly changed my attention once I realized I was actually ease dropping. My eyes shifted and saw a small little girl, her mother and what looked like her older sister.  
"I want x-ray vision!" The five year old told her mother gleefully. Her mother smiled in return and watched her contently.  
"You almost do, I know your eyes see through me and speak to me with out a sound." The mother said with a soft smile. The young girl looked at her, her blue eyes looking complex. Her mother started playing with the girls mop of curls. I closed my eyes to hold back tears form their sweet moment, noticing I had started play with the tips of my hair subconsciously.  
  
well I want you to notice  
  
to notice when I'm not around  
  
and I know that your eyes see straight through me  
  
and speak to me without a sound  
  
With my eyes still closed I thought about my dad's letter, the last one he sent before the trip.  
  
_ I want you to know that even if I'm not around I love you, you know that, right, Connie. But for some reason, reading it in you letters, makes only half of my believe you. I want to hold you, I want to her you say it. That's why I'm sending you a plane ticket to Los Angeles, California, so you can stay here with us for a few months. Of course only if its ok with your mom and Bryon and yourself.  
_  
I opened my eyes and found my self staring at the mother of the young girl talking to a black and green haired teen, possibly the young girls older sister.  
"I want to protect you from all the things, I've endured. I want to guide you, to show you, show you all the things this life has in store for you." The woman said. The teen eyed her angrily.  
"Things are different know mom, you don't know half of the pressures, I face DAILY." The teen growled. "You haven't a clue what its like to be me."  
"Jane Julia Moore." The mother said through gritted teeth.  
"It's J.J." The teen spat. Quickly I turned my attention back to the letter. In my mind I saw the ending to the letters, the ending and signature I loved.  
  
_Remember Constance, I'll always love you, the way a father should his daughter.  
love your dad,  
Patrick Ramos Moroue  
_  
I want to hold you  
  
protect you from all of the things I've already endured  
  
I want to show you  
  
show you all of the things that this life has in store for you  
  
I'll always love you  
  
the way that a father should love his daughter  
  
I yawned and leaned back in my chair and thought about my mother, My step- dad, Step brother and Half brother. The four people I loved more then air. My mother, Jamie, The petite brunette that put up with me after my dad left, My step-dad, Bryon, a guy who has been a father figure to me even before he and my mom considered dating (they were friends first), Matt, the coffee hair older teen I've grown to love and respect, and Sammy, The red headed nine-year-old I've yearned to protect since I held the infant at seven. Bored, I pulled the laptop I borrowed from Matt. I have one of my own but his has portable internet access. I opened up AIM and saw that Sam and Matt where both on the computers. They invited me into a chat room.  
  
**MachoMatt14**: How's everything holding up? 

**HockeyChic:** shrug I'm still on the plane... for some reason we went to florida, then started on our way to Los Angeles. This odd family got on, a five year old, a teen and their mom...They seem ok though. 

**SamuraiSam**_:_ You think about us any? 

**HockeyChic:** Never stopped baby bro. 

**MachoMatt14**: When you were leaving this morning you cried all the way there, why? 

**HockeyChic**: bits lip No laughs... 

**SamuraiSam**: No laughs 

**MachoMatt14**: No laughs 

**HockeyChic:** I cried about how long I'd be away for. Ya know away from mom, you two, Bryon, Guy and the ducks. **Macho Matt14:** How long you gone for? 

**HockeyChic:** 2 months of California sun. 

**SamuraiSam**: Hmm... 

**SamuraiSam:** Sounds fun. 

**MachoMatt14**: Me and Sam have to go C-Ya sis! 

**_MachoMatt14 signed off [4:33:40] _**

**_SamuraiSam Signed off [4:33:52]_**  
  
I was about to click out of AIM about ten minutes later when Germaine00 signed on suddenly.  
  
**Germaine00**: Hey Cons 

**HockeyChic:** Hey Guy. 

**Germaine00**: Matt said you were crying when you left this morning, on the way to the airport. 

**HockeyChic**: Grr... this is why big brothers and boyfriends shouldn't be friends. 

**Germaine 00**: Why were you crying? Is everything ok? 

**HockeyChic**: I cried about leaving you all alone for the Cali sun.  
  
"The plane will be landing with in the next thirty minutes. Please put away all your personal belongings and fasten you safety restraints." The flight attendant said.  
"There called seat belts, lady." J.J. called to her.  
  
**HockeyChic**: Hunny, I'm gonna have to go the plane is landing. Call ya later. 

**Germaine00**: Ok, bye Cons. Don't worry to much, I'll TYLL.  
  
I quickly signed off and put the laptop in my duffel.  


  
when I walked out this morning  
  
I cried as I walked to the door  
  
I cried about how long I'd be away for  
  
I cried about leaving you all alone  
  
"Sweet Zoë," The mother sighed obviously thinking, "And dear Jane... With Mysterious-"  
"Sweet Zoë!" The five year old echoed throwing her hands up.  
"And dear Jane." J.J. sighed barley audible.  
  
Sweet Zoë Jane Sweet Zoë Jane  
  
It took me about thirty minutes to get off the plane and to find my luggage. I surveyed the airport looking for my dad.  
"Connie!" I heard someone shout, I turned to see my dad waving his arm at me.  
"daddy," I said with a smile as I rushed over to him.  
"Patrick!" An excited voice behind me called. I saw the small blond from the plane pass me. I slowed my pace as her picked her up and kissed her forehead.  
"Hey Zoe, you have fun a Nana Moores?" My dad asked her. She smiled and nodded sending her blond curls flying. I stood watching a few feet away.  
"Um..." I said lamly trying (and failing) to find something to say.  
"Constance!" My dad said hugging me with his free arm. After I broke free of his hug the mother extended her hand. I politely took it. 

"I'm Judy, your step mom." She said, "That's—" I cut her off.

"Zoe," I said pointing to the small girl, "and J.J., I'm sorry I couldn't help but over hear parts of you conversation." I explained blushing slightly. After we go back to my Dad's house they showed me to my room and then my dad came in and talked to me. 

"Connie?" He said knocking on the door as he opened. 

"Yea," I said turning around from putting my stuff away. He looked at me seriously and gestured for me to take a seat on the bed. 

"Sorry." He said as her sat nest to me. 

"Sorry? For what?" I asked matching his soberness. 

"I wanted to say that because I don't know how to explain to you what I have been through and where I have been and why I left." He said. I just looked at him and he opened his mouth to continue.  
  
so I wanted to say this  
  
cuz I wouldn't know where to begin  
  
to explain to you what I have been through  
  
to explain where your daddy has been  
  
"All I know is I want to hold you, I need to protect you from having to go through what I've already endured. I want you to be in a loving family." He said. 

"Daddy, I'm not a little girl. I realize that you love me whether it is from a distance or not." I replied with a smile as I hugged him. 

"When you were an infant I wanted to show you all the things this life had in store for you. But I realized I missed out on that chance." He said. 

"You can show Zoe and Judy will help you. I'll always love you Daddy. Now matter what you missed." I replied sincerely. 

"I'll always love you to Constance, the way a father should his daughter."  
  
I want to hold you protect you from all of the things I've already endured  
  
I want to show you  
  
show you all of the things that this life has in store for you  
  
I'll always love you  
  
the way that a father should love his daughter 


	11. The Reason the Luis Mendoza Story

**_The Reason is by Hoobastank not me unfortunately..._**  
  
I watched as Cameron took he seat in the back of the cafeteria. Everyone was surprised that we had gone out but not when it ended. Cameron was pretty but no super model hot, like the others I've dated. Her short light brown hair hangs rather limp and pushed behind her ears so that it wouldn't get in her eyes when she read, she had normal brown eyes behind light colored glasses. She's not a geek and she's not popular... she's just Cameron Valence. I'm not a perfect person. When I'm dating someone for more then two weeks then I stop being charming and become more of a touchy feely perverted Luis and the girls usually don't care, this one did. As many things I wish I didn't do, that was never on my list of things I didn't wanna do till now. I stood up from the empty table where I sat waiting for the rest of the ducks to come and walked over to her table where her and her friends Sidney Harper, Caroline Audi and Jessica Rochester. They were talking about something.  
"Yea, but I continue learning." Cameron said with a nod. Caroline spotted me first.  
"Luis, What do you want?" She asked. Cameron turned to see me. I don't know what I was going to accomplish by walking over hear. Maybe I just wanted to be near her again. I gestured for her to follow me away from her friends so they could see us but not hear us.  
"I never meant to hurt you by doin those things to you, Camy, I'm sorry." I said sincerely. She just rolled her eyes.  
"I've heard that already Luis, just go away." She said teary eyed. I nodded.  
"And so I have to say before I go, That I just want you to know that I love you." I said. She just stared. The entire time we had gone out I had never told her I loved her. She just shook her head and turned to go back to her table.  
  
**I'm not a perfect person  
  
As many things I wish I didn't do  
  
But I continue learning  
  
I never meant to do those things to you  
  
And so I have to say before I go  
  
That I just want you to know  
**  
I returned to my table and sat a few of the ducks were now at the table, I just took my normal seat and laid my head on the table. I've finally found it. I've found a reason for me to change who I used to be. The perverted latino boy who thought he was all that. Cameron is my reason to start over new. Suddenly I felt someone tap me on the shoulder. I was about to bring my head up when I realized I had been crying. I dried my face off on the arm I was laying on and looked up. It was Jessica. She tugged on my arm and I reluctantly followed her into the now deserted hall.  
"Did you know that Cam doesn't wanna go to the movies or the ice rink or go out for dinner or lunch." The short black girl said.  
"Why?" I asked, "Why are you telling me?"  
"You didn't let her finish," Sidney said appearing from no where. The blond stood by Jessie.  
"And the reason is you. She doesn't want to be reminded that she L-O- V-E loves you!" Jessie explained. I smiled.  
  
**I've found a reason for me  
  
To change who I used to be  
  
A reason to start over new  
  
and the reason is you  
**  
Jessie's words rang in my head all day. _'She L-O-V-E loves you'_. I smiled and I found myself in front of her room. I knocked on the door and she answered.  
"Luis," she groaned.  
"Cam, wait, be the girl you are and listen to me again!" I begged. She turned and leaned against the door frame watching me.  
"I'm sorry that I hurt you, Camy. It's something I must live with every day. All the pain I put you through..." I stopped almost choking on my words. She just stared but not in that angry hateful way, but a soft tender way.  
"I wish I could take it all away and be the one that catches all of your tears. That's why I need you to hear all of this." I said.  
  
**I'm sorry that I hurt you  
  
It's something I must live with everyday  
  
And all the pain I put you through  
  
I wish that I could take it all away  
  
And be the one who catches all your tears  
  
That's why I need you to hear  
**  
_Tell her! Tell her! Say I've found a reason for me to change who I used to be._ My brain shouted. She smiled sadly.  
"Luis how do I know your gonna stay you, the sweet adorable charming you?" She asked "How do I know your not going to become the perverted hockey play out for sex again?" Tough questions, but reasonable ones. I reached out and grabbed her hands.  
"Camy, I found a reason to start over new and the reason is you." I said. "It hurts me to have to see you and know I hurt you." She put her index finger to my mouth.  
  
**I've found a reason for me  
  
To change who I used to be  
  
A reason to start over new  
  
and the reason is You**  
  
"Luis I find this a lot better then your 'I'm not a perfect person' and 'I never meant to do those things to you' speeches. I don't know if I can trust you." She said pulling her hands from mine. "And so I have to say before I go that I just want you to know that maybe we can hook back up later but now I'm still wounded.  
  
**I'm not a perfect person  
  
I never meant to do those things to you  
  
And so I have to say before I go  
  
That I just want you to know  
**  
I watched as she closed the door. I went to my room. Was about to enter when I realized that Ken might not want me there. Ken was the reason I met Cameron in the first place, she was one of Ken's few friends outside of the ducks. I met here when she hanging out in the dorm room me and Ken shared. I walked away and then just started to wonder around campus. I've found a reason for me to change who I used to be, a reason to start over new... The reason is you Camy! I fell on my knee's by the pond and stared at the water. Suddenly I felt someone fall in place beside me.  
"You too, eh?" I heard Cameron whisper.  
  
**I've found a reason for me  
  
To change who I used to be  
  
A reason to start over new  
  
and the reason is you  
**  
I looked down and I felt her arm wrap around my neck. I smiled. I heard someone else walk up. I already knew who it was. Ken. He loved this girl, as a sister of course, and would protect even from me.  
"Hey Ken, I've found a reason to show a side of me you didn't know I had." I said with a smile.  
"I've found a reason for all that I do and the reason is you." I directed that last part at Cam kissing her check and wrapping my arm around her. I heard Ken walk away.  
  
**I've found a reason to show  
  
A side of me you didn't know  
  
A reason for all that I do  
  
And the reason is you**


	12. Outkast the Russ Tyler story

**POD owns Outkast not me...**  
  
"Yea, I'm an outkast but don't count me out." I think was the first thing I said to the ducks right before my very first team meeting with them, taking their precious Banksie's spot.  
  
**I'm an outkast**

**But don't count me out**  
  
I was thinking about them on my way home. I stood in the airport terminal scanning the crowd for my older brother, knowing it would be the last time I thought about the ducks this summer. I had more important things to do. I spotted the group of about nine.  
"Whas up my underground dwellaz?" I asked as we piled into the gigantic rusty van.  
"Nothin but, roamin beneath the cellars." My brother Jerome replied.  
"Got any new?" I asked seriously. Jerome nodded.  
"A Hindu couple in there mid-teens. There land lord kicked them out because he said they were to middle eastern to live with him." Dakota said. Me and Jerome live by ourselves with about 4 extra rooms and a cellar or basement. So we started taking in our friends and then some of the less fortunate. Me and Jerome share a room, are friend occupy the other four. The Fire twins Donte and Datwon, share one room, Davis Northern and Kojo Hail take up another, our resident Latino's TJ McClain and Alejondro Quintez have the next and however The Hester Brothers have there own place. The extra rooms in both houses including the cellars are given to the homeless of L.A. We can't tell any one though. The government failed us with this system; if we ain't living how they tell us then they can take me away from Jerome because it's considered child endangerment. So we've made our home a hideaway place, its safe, for all. We rode home in silence and pulled up at our house. Dakota and Mycheal Hester went to their house next to ours and we went into ours. When we entered we saw all the people we had taken in scattered around the house. There were 9 homeless people all together. Antoinette Lee and her 9 year old Daughter Esi Lee, Ahyoko and Ky Yinn with their two children Charlotte their 10 year old girl and Lanni their 7 yr old son, and Jacob Ryan a really cool black man. Sitting at the table were two that I didn't recognize.  
"Um, hi I'm Russ Tyler, Jerome's little brother." I said. The Indian man extended his hand.  
"I'm Hasheem Fareed and she's Ysabel Fareed." He said in spars English.  
"Why are you here?" I asked stupidly. Hasheem's eyes grew angry.  
"They raise a nation of hate, Erase a man for his faith. They feed us lies" He says gesturing between him and his wife. The couple looked no older then 16. "They dress my King in false disguise." He paused then stares at my brother.  
"Behind those eyes, soul of a savior I recognize. No compromise, while the world becomes corrupt with santinistic power." He said. I picked up my luggage and took my stuff to my room followed by Jerome.  
"Man, I think that guys a few players short of a hockey team." I say. He nods slightly.  
"The woman is calmer and more reassuring of his sanity." Jerome replied as he helped me put my things away. "He's just a bit angry wouldn't you be if they kicked you off the hockey team for being black?" I nodded slightly.  
"Tonight we break the surface for lives" Alejandro said dramatically falling onto my bed.  
"Hey, your rooms down the hall." I say throwing a balled up pair of socks at him. TJ rolled his eyes as he stood leaning against the door frame.  
"It's true thought, tonight We coming up." Jerome said. 'Coming up' is basically having everyone claim there bedding area and reevaluate room we had. Just then we heard the door swing open and a few screams. TJ, Alex, Jerome and I rushed down stairs. Aron Lee was hugging Esi and Antoinette happily then he looked up at us.  
"We got the house, they even said we could move in tonight." Aron said with a smile.  
"Congrats, Ron." I said with a smirk. He glanced at me I guess he hadn't realized I had come home.  
"How's it goin Rusty?" He asked matching my smile. We all congratulated them and Jerome gave them 100 dollars he had managed to scrounge up. It was about 10 o'clock when we finally got everyone to the spot (except the Lee family) and took our rooming survey.  
"We have 4 empty cots in the basement." TJ announced as we walked outside to meet the Hester's.  
"Yo, Dakota, Mycheal!" Alex yelled impatiently as he through a rock at the door. The rock bounced off the wood door and the two came out.  
  
**Underground dwellaz, roaming beneath the cellars **

**Failed us with this system, ain't living how they tell us **

**Hideaway place, it's safe, they raise a nation of hate **

**Erase a man for his faith **

**They feed us lies, dress up my King in false disguise **

**Behind those eyes, soul of a savior I recognize **

**No compromise, while the whole world becomes corrupt **

**Tonight we break the surface for lives, We coming up  
**  
After about an hour and 30 minutes the Dakota and Mycheal had there three spots filled and we had to of ours.  
"After about another 30 minutes we should head back." Jerome advised as he led us left onto the main road. I saw a tall, but very young girl standing there leaning over something.  
"Excuse me!" Jerome called to her as we approached. She looked at us with classic dear in the headlights look. The girl had messy brown hair and huge brown eyes leaning over a small boy with brownish blond hair. They were both slightly tanned but it was obvious they were Caucasian or White which ever you prefer.  
"How old are you?" I asked softly and slowly.  
"Eight." She said softly and scared.  
"And how old is he?" TJ asked.  
"Four." She said getting slightly braver.  
"No worry's nothings gonna happen to ya." Alex said.  
"brother take my hand" she whispered to the half asleep boy in front of her.  
"She's weirded out. Let's separate ourselves, Ya know step back." I whispered to Jerome and he nodded and whispered to the group to do so.  
"Don't you want to leave this place behind?" Datwon said kneeling in front of her. She nodded.  
"Then come with us, we can take you to a place were you get a bed and food and a home. Two other kids live there." Donte said. She smiled. She must have just realized they were twins. The little boy woke up and rubbed his eyes with his dirty hands.  
"What about Matt?" She asked wrapping her free arm around the boys chest and pulling him closer to her.  
"He can come to." Jerome said gently. She stood slowly as did the boy.  
"Do you want to come with us?" I asked she nodded. I smiled.  
"Whats your name." I asked.  
"Natalie Johansen." She said slightly suspicious still. As we walked I hung back as did the two kids. Natalie kept glancing over her shoulder.  
"Wanna make leaving easier?" I asked. She nodded.  
"Then don't ever look back." I whispered. We walked to the house and set-up places for our newest members and let them eat and take showers.  
  
**Brother take my hand **

**Lets separate ourselves **

**Leave behind this place **

**Don't ever look back**  
  
A couple of weeks later, there was a knock at the door. I and Jerome looked nervously at each other. All the people who lived there and the Hester brothers knew they could walk right on in. The only person who didn't just walk right in was the social services chic but even she calls ahead.  
"Just a minute!" Jerome called as he quickly but quietly ushered everyone into the basement. I went up stairs to my room and through on my head phones pretending to read a hockey magazine, to fake the look of innocence.  
"Hey, its just Aron, Toni and Esi!" Jerome shout and everyone comes out from there spaces. I walked down the stairs.  
"Dude, it's a door, an unlocked one at that, just open and pull and your in." I said picking up Esi and hugging the girl. She had grown on me like a little sister.  
"We got a small house but its big for us with a normal sized cellar but we'd be more then happy to help house the fellow strays." Aron said in a half joking half serious way. That night we had a small celebration and have Aron and Antoinette say what the others called the oath. It was written along time ago by Aimee Morgans, the very first person we put up in this dump. She was a talented writer on the brink of being big, but didn't have enough cash to support herself. She still keeps in touch and even sends us donations. Jerome stood and gestured for Toni and Aron to stand.  
"Of course you know to repeat after me and the other members." By members he meant himself, me, the Hesters, the fire twins, Alex, TJ, Davis and Kojo.  
"We protect every disgraced man and his family in his time of peril for they are the true survivors of the wasteland." We started the oath and then they repeated  
"They must be looking for a home of their own, however cut short by situation. With no place to run and no place to hide." We said taking a pause for them to repeat before continuing. "and now my friend its time for you to stand on your own, we form a Militia, coalition, not of this world but more heavenly." I almost had to laugh at that part. I don't know what that red-head was on when she wrote this; then again Aimee was a sunshine and rainbows person.  
"We are a resistance, we are the alliance. We freedom fighters, its honor we defend. We follow truth and never your trends." We finished. Every one went back to the actual celebrating.  
"What is that?" Natalie asked in happy amusement. She does kind of remind me of Aimee.  
"Its an oath, our secret code." I told her. She smiled.  
"Can you teach it to me?" She asked hopefully. I nodded and did so. Natalie quickly learned memorizing the lovely words.  
  
**Disgraced man, survivors of the wasteland, **

**Looking for a home of his own **

**No place to run, no place to hide **

**It's time for you to stand on your own **

**Militia, coalition, not of this world Resistance, we the alliance **

**We freedom fighters, its honor we defend **

**We follow truth and never your trends**  
  
I came home during the spring break from the college I attended along with the ducks. When I opened the door, eighteen year old Natalie greeted me.  
"I got a house for me and Matthew!" She said happily. "Best of all I wanna help house people." She said in what seemed like one breathe. I leaned back and smiled.  
"Good goin Nate." I said with a smirk as I leaned back to take a good look at her. She is so different from the street toughened little eight year old who said brother take my hand, even though now he's fourteen and she's eighteen she still is a bit protective. The girl who let us separate before leaving this place and not ever looking back. The next day she proudly recited the Oath by heart. She smiled and winked at me with a little glitter in her eye.  
"Our secret code..." My younger voice squeaked inside my head. Naw, she's still the insecure little girl, in a grown up body.  
  
**Brother take my hand**

**Let separate ourselves **

**Leave behind this place **

**Don't ever look back**  
  
I drove Matt to his first Basket ball practice. When he got there I could tell he felt a little out of place, this team had been together half a season but one of the team mates moved so he filled the guys spot.  
"So you Matt..." One of the only two girls on the team said. He nodded. Then he did something I least expected.  
"I'm an outkast but, don't count me out." I leaned against the fence awaiting there reaction.  
  
**I'm an outkast **

**But don't count me out  
**  
About this time Nate came jogging up in sweats. I was braced for there reaction.  
"Hmm... At least brace your self like a man." Natalie said with a sly smile as she playfully hit me on the chest.  
  
**Brace yourself like a man  
**  
_A/N: I can honestly say I never until now saw Russ like that. Shows what you can do when ya wing it :-P_


End file.
